So there was a time when I embraced in the moment and totally disregarded my gut. I didn’t mind falling...and if I failed...well, I’d just try again. After all, nobody’s love life was perfect…blah.. judge me.
I had a whole 6 something year (cause I really stopped counting at 6) “friends with benefits” situation. You know… before I get too deep, Imma start off by asking....is there really a such thing as Friends with Benefits? I mean, think about it...is it really smart to "cross the line" with a friend? Would you wanna give up the goodies to someone who only regards u as a "friend"?
I had a whole 6 something year (cause I really stopped counting at 6) “friends with benefits” situation. You know… before I get too deep, Imma start off by asking....is there really a such thing as Friends with Benefits? I mean, think about it...is it really smart to "cross the line" with a friend? Would you wanna give up the goodies to someone who only regards u as a "friend"?
For me, it was taking out the pressure of a relationship and not really deal with feelings. Adding the term “friend” only dressed up what was occurring outside the normal friendship. More so, leaving the term friend gave you the option to end the benefits at any time because “well….we're better as friends." It’s a lie but go off! lol
Anyone who has multiple nights of endless sex with someone is going to have feelings of some sort. (unless ur just a total a$$ with no heart--and even then u just don't admit it) So.....the more u have sex....the more feelings surface. Whether they are good feelings or bad feelings, feelings WILL occur. Remind me again of the benefit? Oh yea… we can still be friends. (Insert a full eye roll here)
Society has taken friendship and put it in the wrong mold. It's almost like... making jello and pouring it into a cement mold. It doesn't fit. Yes, the substance is there, but it will never fill or conform true to its existence. Friends are people who are there through it all. They know ur faults, ur likes, ur dislikes...and no matter how far u stray, they remain by ur side. A friend can see u totally nude and not even think about it...except maybe to say, umm...did u use lotion today? lol Benefits....a benefit is a reward for an act. U are rewarded for something u did, said etc. My thing is this, if I do something for a friend, I do it because that's my friend....not for a reward. and...even better....I benefit from the things I learn through my friend...we learn together. It's part of the friendship...not a separate "benefit package"...this isn't a job! kmsl
Anyone who has multiple nights of endless sex with someone is going to have feelings of some sort. (unless ur just a total a$$ with no heart--and even then u just don't admit it) So.....the more u have sex....the more feelings surface. Whether they are good feelings or bad feelings, feelings WILL occur. Remind me again of the benefit? Oh yea… we can still be friends. (Insert a full eye roll here)
Society has taken friendship and put it in the wrong mold. It's almost like... making jello and pouring it into a cement mold. It doesn't fit. Yes, the substance is there, but it will never fill or conform true to its existence. Friends are people who are there through it all. They know ur faults, ur likes, ur dislikes...and no matter how far u stray, they remain by ur side. A friend can see u totally nude and not even think about it...except maybe to say, umm...did u use lotion today? lol Benefits....a benefit is a reward for an act. U are rewarded for something u did, said etc. My thing is this, if I do something for a friend, I do it because that's my friend....not for a reward. and...even better....I benefit from the things I learn through my friend...we learn together. It's part of the friendship...not a separate "benefit package"...this isn't a job! kmsl
Sooo....Stop it already with the Friends with Benefits term. Keep it simple....let it remain how it is...Situationship.. Cutty Buddy..side piece...whatever the case may be. Leave that term for Hollywood, because "in real life" it's nothing but drama; and who has time for that?!
Now if you just GOTTA go this route, here are my takeaways:
1. It’s not for the weak. If you can’t disconnect your feelings..don’t waste your time.
2. Set boundaries. No kissing, no cuddling, no discussing your day etc - this isn’t a typical friend
3. Ask yourself, is it worth it? The time and strokes your spending with your FWB can really be geared towards your next mate.
And finally… 4. Be open to falling. Yes. This may start as an arrangement, but with all things, change is imminent.
Disclaimer:
As with all my topics...it's ok to judge me. I'm never gonna lie about my past. We all have one but not all of us let it go. I said what I said and did what I did. ~Till Next time.
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