Don't be scared to let go.

    💪🏾🙌🏾💧

For those who have been following me for a while, you know I don't mind being transparent.  I don't mind people knowing my past, as long as they don't "try me" in my present.  I can, without a doubt say, I've evolved.....evolved in just about every aspect of my life. And if no one else is proud of me, I'M PROUD OF ME.      

My seasons have been ghetto.  I've ridden the rollercoaster in high altitudes afraid to look down out of fear....but those moments are gone.  I'm ME. I'm imperfect. I don't make the right decisions all the time. I have my moments and allow the old me to make guest appearances.  I wouldn't change not ONE thing.  Even with regrets, all of my mistakes made me who I am today. 

Storytime:

I once was in an almost 6 year situationship. We'll call him "Brown." Brown and I met online and immediately hit it off.  Brown was beautiful...yes I called him beautiful because physically he was perfect to me lol....He was stable and most of all we had an amazing connection.  Now mind you, I went in with the premise of at some point being in a relationship with him.  Yet...little did I know, Brown had no intentions of that ever happening.  

Our schedules were crazy, so we rarely went out.  Date nights were always at his place. (I never invited him over due to my girls being present) We texted more than we talked.  I never met his family. In the 6 years of our dealings, we were only out in public together ONCE.  Looking back, I had all the flags.  All of which I ignored.  

Every time I would bring up us or our "relationship", he'd defer.  He'd dress it up so pretty, I would feel crazy for even asking.  And....despite my desire to be in a committed relationship, I settled with just being the "special" friend.  

This went on for 6 years. SIX!!  Then came therapy. 

 Listen to me when I say, sometimes God gives us all the warning signs and because we want what we want, we choose not to accept them.  The unanswered calls, the texts that mostly happened in the evenings, the lack of public appearance etc....not one of those things stopped me from being with this man.  But therapy did.  

I remember being on video call with my therapist when we took the deep dive on Brown.  Question after question, she made these faces with my responses. And at the end she said, "Ro...at what point did you STOP loving yourself?" I had no words.  Not because she said it, but because as I'm explaining it to her, I could see CLEARLY how naïve I had been. I couldn't even answer her question.....cause chileeeeeeeeee I didn't know myself.  But her next words is what gave me the boost to end it all.  She said: 

"If meeting someone where they are, compromises who YOU are, YOU have to let them go. Being THEIR peace shouldn't mean sacrificing YOUR OWN." 

The dam broke and she allowed me to cry it out. She said crying was my goodbye to the old me and letting him go would be the intro to the new me.  

When I ended my session, I blocked his number then proceeded to delete not only his thread, but his number, his pictures, his social media and whatever else tied me to him.  She asked me to write the pros and cons of being with him and you know what? The only two pros I had were both physical! 

I got on my knees and prayed God allowed me to walk away and never look back.  I took a step back from dating. Dated myself.  Loved myself. That was one of the MOST important steps of my life.  We gotta stop being afraid to let go because of fear of being alone. We gotta stop accepting what people give us if it's not something that grows us.  We're stronger than our fears. 

Don't be scared to let go.

 

Until next time...remain,

Healthy. Humble. Hydrated.