Unhealed or Nah...

 

Being alone is not for the weak at heart.  It requires accountability, control, transparency, and most importantly self evaluation and love.  So many of us have grown accustomed to having someone in our lives until we cannot fathom the idea of living life single.  But realistically, some of us need it.  Some of need to take the time to love and date ourselves in order to find the TRUEST version of ourselves.  Time after time we have adapted to being the person our mate wanted us to be....time after time we have compromised our integrity, our beliefs, our peace..... all of which begin our journey to bitterness and resentment. 

At that point, we are no longer our true selves.  We are a shell of who we used to be.  Functioning out of responsibility or obligation but no longer mentally free.  This not only causes a shift in how we VIEW people or relationships; it also causes a shift in how we TREAT people.  That's why it's important that once our time has ended with that particular person that we take the time to HEAL.  

Unhealed people go from relationship to relationship, transporting baggage from previous relationships that has NOTHING to do with the current one.  They are often confrontational, defensive and overly emotional....they expect their current mate to not only understand their emotions (that they haven't fully expressed) but also fully fill the void.  The mate is in turn taken through an emotional and sometimes abusive rollercoaster.  Sadly, most mates are so empathetic to their person's needs and voids until they take on many of those bags.  Bags they have no business taking.  And you can guess what's next.... the resentment.  Because now, you not only have one unhealed person, but the beginnings of two.

As what point do you stop the trend?  At what point do you realize that toxic isn't love?  At one point do you say, these aren't my bags to carry? 

It's the moment you put YOU first.  You acknowledge that you aren't good for anyone until you have finished the healing process.  It's being okay with being alone.... We are and can be SO MUCH better incorporating healing even before it becomes TOXIC.  Whatever steps it is you need to make, do that.  Love yourself enough to say, I want to be THE TRUEST and BEST version of me and it's gonna start with accountability.  This is just the beginning of peace.