Nothing is EVER what it seems.

 

Tyrese. A man once high on his horse...Grammys...women for days...everyone wanted to be like him. But ohhhh the fall from grace was less than graceful, and he was left less than desirable and vulnerable. No matter how many times he tried to put on a brave face, his emotions seem to always find their way to the forefront. 

When I see clips like this... I see today's sense of normalcy. The expectation that no matter what's going on in the world around you, you should always have the brave face. Feelings and emotions are viewed as weak. Male or female, emotions can make you or break you. 

Why is that though? The way we were raised? The need to be accepted in society? Should we ignore our innermost feelings JUST to be accepted in a world that doesn't REALLY accept us? 

If you watched the full interview, not only was this man hurting but was super transparent in expressing WHY he was hurting. And where did that get him? The butt of everyone's jokes...the meme of the day...the image of  man who fell from grace. 

Nothing is ever what it seems.  

Society has taken away the right to be different. So much so the divorce rate along with suicide are at an all time high. We are so consumed with pleasing the world that we lose sight of what's important and that is simply being ourselves. We're chasing bags (or flights), chasing relationships (or marriages), chasing images (or false expectations) ...all of which come with the desire to be seen and accepted. We are the very people we dissect...the very people responsible for the downfall of others. No one wants to hear that and NO ONE wants to say that aloud. 

Nothing is ever what is seems. 

So here's to the people simply existing because they don't wanna seem weak.  The person putting on a strong face but crying behind closed doors. The man who feels like men aren't supposed to cry or the woman who stays strong for her family.... You aren't alone.  It's okay to cry...it's okay to feel...it's okay to be different.  

Nothing is ever or will ever be what it seems. 

Generics should not be covered

 

People now days are so quick to talk about the old days- old relationships- old marriages. The times where divorce used to be rare....Couples would tough it out....talk it out...make the best of bad situation. There were more than 2.5 kids...the cupboard was never bare...and kids were taught morals.  Those were the days that a "village" raised the kids...the kids were respectful to elders and each other...no internet, no cell phones...just a boom box and a tv that mostly collected dust.

But times are different.  Being in a relationship suddenly became work.  Single mothers and fathers are heads of the household. The children raise themselves. Not based on true role models, but random stars on tv that they "think" are worthy of duplication. 

No longer is it easy to find a man that recognizes that he is the head of the household. (God fearing... makes the decisions...pays the bills...and is respectful to his mate) No longer is it easy to find a woman that supports her man. (knows God and the power of prayer....takes care of household chores...and raises her children to depend on themselves and not something or someone else)

So...we settle for the generic. The person we KNOW IS NOT for us.  We ignore all the warning signs and move forward. He's cute (but lazy)....She's fine (but nasty)....drives a nice car (but doesn't pay their bills).....they are financially stable (but toxic)  yall already know the vibes. You become comfortable in an uncomfortable situation and it leaves you feeling powerless and fake. It seemed like a good idea at the time but now....yeah not so much. 

When it comes to ur life, ur kids lives and ur destiny, you shouldn't compromise bc ur tired of waiting. Everything you're praying for comes with time.  Don't you know GOD IS FAITHFUL? Don't you know that God is THE NAME BRAND of all times? Why we out here flossing generic relationships when the real one is just a season away? 

It's easier to NOT get into something than it is to EXIT what's already there.  Take your time.  Embrace you for a change. Nobody's judging.  And if they are...let'em. 

Is Friends with Benefits still a thing?

 

So there was a time when I embraced in the moment and totally disregarded my gut. I didn’t mind falling...and if I failed...well, I’d just try again.  After all, nobody’s love life was perfect…blah.. judge me. 

I had a whole 6 something year (cause I really stopped counting at 6) “friends with benefits” situation. You know… before I get too deep, Imma start off by asking....is there really a such thing as Friends with Benefits? I mean, think about it...is it really smart to "cross the line" with a friend? Would you wanna give up the goodies to someone who only regards u as a "friend"?

For me, it was taking out the pressure of a relationship and not really deal with feelings. Adding the term “friend” only dressed up what was occurring outside the normal friendship. More so, leaving the term friend gave you the option to end the benefits at any time because “well….we're better as friends." It’s a lie but go off! lol 

Anyone who has multiple nights of endless sex with someone is going to have feelings of some sort. (unless ur just a total a$$ with no heart--and even then u just don't admit it) So.....the more u have sex....the more feelings surface. Whether they are good feelings or bad feelings, feelings WILL occur.  Remind me again of the benefit? Oh yea… we can still be friends. (Insert a full eye roll here) 

Society has taken friendship and put it in the wrong mold.  It's almost like... making jello and pouring it into a cement mold. It doesn't fit. Yes, the substance is there, but it will never fill or conform true to its existence. Friends are people who are there through it all.  They know ur faults, ur likes, ur dislikes...and no matter how far u stray, they remain by ur side. A friend can see u totally nude and not even think about it...except maybe to say, umm...did u use lotion today? lol Benefits....a benefit is a reward for an act. U are rewarded for something u did, said etc. My thing is this, if I do something for a friend, I do it because that's my friend....not for a reward. and...even better....I benefit from the things I learn through my friend...we learn together. It's part of the friendship...not a separate "benefit package"...this isn't a job! kmsl

Sooo....Stop it already with the Friends with Benefits term. Keep it simple....let it remain how it is...Situationship.. Cutty Buddy..side piece...whatever the case may be. Leave that term for Hollywood, because "in real life" it's nothing but drama; and who has time for that?!

Now if you just GOTTA go this route, here are my takeaways:

1.  It’s not for the weak. If you can’t disconnect your feelings..don’t waste your time. 

2.  Set boundaries. No kissing, no cuddling, no discussing your day etc - this isn’t a typical friend 

3.  Ask yourself, is it worth it? The time and strokes your spending with your FWB can really be geared towards your next mate. 

And finally… 4.  Be open to falling. Yes. This may start as an arrangement, but with all things, change is imminent.  

Disclaimer: 

As with all my topics...it's ok to judge me. I'm never gonna lie about my past.  We all have one but not all of us let it go.  I said what I said and did what I did.  ~Till Next time.  

Broken- An Ode to Layers.

 

    Physically...

I'm taken...

But my name is singular in the legal sense...

    Emotionally...

I'm broken...

My feelings no longer receptive to receiving love...

Because love hasn't been given...fully.

    Mentally...

I'm driven...

Driven to pull myself out of the hold of resentment and regret...

Resenting the fact that I gave my all despite the signs that they didn't.....

Regretting I allowed myself to be lost...

Shattered...

Broken...

Pieces of me holding on by mere threads screaming for help...

And I...

I'm not even strong enough to put them back together...

 

Still...

    Who am I?

 My shell displays happiness...

Confidence...

Beauty...

It lights the room in a dark place...

Each layer of me is pronounced and bold...

I elude peace...

Even on bad days...

All a façade for the curious eyes around me. 

 

But take away that shell....

Go beyond those layers....

And look into my soul...

It tells the true reflection of who or what I really am...

 

Broken.

 

 

(Dedicated to all the those who live a facade everyday. The ones who yearn for unconditional love but settle for the right now kind of love. You are not alone.)

 

Happy (ness or less)

 

So listen....

Your happiness as well as your peace should ALWAYS be a priority. Therefore, there should never be a limit to how many times you restart. I mean....  If God can renew our mercies daily in an effort to give us a chance to get it right, why not make the attempt?  

You KNOW the areas you're struggling in. You ABSOLUTELY know.  And 9 times out of 10 you have the resources to fix it....but you're either procrastinating, scared, or don't feel like doing the work to fix it.  Well you know what.. stop complaining! Yall need to stop wasting your time putting Band-Aids on situations or changes knowing it needs more than a quick fix. It's me...I'm y'all. (raises hand) 

Chile....this is some real life "struggle bus" type things. BUT, I take FULL responsibility. Now...I can't and I won't speak on anyone else EXCEPT me. Even though it would be easy for me to point out someone else's flaws...I know I have too many of my own. That's ME being transparent.

Everyday I wake up, I realize more and more things I don't like about myself.  I don't know if it's my old age and realizing I have more years behind me than in front of me or the need to really have some sense of normalcy in my life. Either way, I wanna get back to happy. 

Just last week, in one of my morning messages, I talked about being comfortable with being uncomfortable.  That's absolutely a thing.  More people are in situationships, marriages, relationships uncomfortable AF but not willing to do what it takes to change it. So I have to ask....does being comfortable being uncomfortable equate to settling?

Ok....yeah...I get it...no one will ever be completely happy. We all have our flaws whether it's alone or as a couple. Like..even a happy medium is pushing it.  How do you find "your happy" in the midst of your transparent self? 

Happy(ness or less) to me still remains a mystery.....

Getting Back to Happy....

 

Today is Monday, August 5th. New day. New blog title. New logo. Chile.... my seasons of life have changed a few times and I've just been rolling with it.  Judge me. 

Just earlier today as I was watching a "Twenties," one of the characters said (and I'm paraphrasing),

  "Writing isn't always happy...sometimes it's work." And when I tell you I felt that statement to my bones...lol...I felt that because that is what this blog had become.  Work.  Gone were the days of writing away my thoughts...gone were the days of not caring about views. I was in my marketing stage and my peace was definitely compromised. 

It's been exactly 172 days since I wrote on this freaking blog.  172 days! Not since I wrote, but since I've been HERE. I allowed the hype of attracting new followers to overshadow "my happy place." (writing)  However, that ship has sailed.  Whether I get one read or 500 reads, "Memoires of a Stinging Butterfly" will be my always be my first focus. 

Soooooo.....yeah. Here we are again. 

What's Poppin Everybody?