Get out of your head

 💪🏾🙌🏾💧 

I wish I kept up with the Seasons of my adult life. How long they lasted....what were their names....what did I learn from them..... and maybe, just maybe I wouldn't feel like some seasons spin the block just to mess with my mental. (lol) I can't be the only one that feels that way. 

Life is...or has become..a rubix cube.  Just when I think I've mastered certain parts of it, I'm reminded that it's gonna take a few more moves and alot of patience to wrap it up.  No lie...it's a struggle.  If it's not the kids, it's the job, if it's not the job I'm sick, if I'm not sick, it's the kids and the job; a constant cluster of revolving issues with not much relief across the board. 

I often wonder what it would be like if all the areas of my life got along.  The kids did what they were supposed to, that my job wasn't so freaking toxic or that my allergies/sinuses behaved DESPITE the fact that I have this ONE dog that my person refuses to put outside (ok...I digress); like what if all of it- worked.  

Get out of your head Shun.  I have to remind myself more often than not to get out of my head. That life doesn't stop happening because I'm tired or not getting the answers I so desperately need.  As I was listening to PMJ (Pastor Mike Jr)  this morning I was reminded that sometimes when we feel that God isn't answering our prayers is because sometimes, the very thing we're praying for.....HE made it happen! So guess what? It wasn't ours to begin with anyway.  Wheww chile! Yall not ready for this testimony.  If only yall knew the half of what I've encountered the past few years.....I'm telling you....me being here and SANE has nothing to do with me but EVERYTHING to do with God.  He apparently is in the keeping business.  lol 

But in all seriousness.  Get out of your head.  Pray. Let it go and move forward. 

Until Next time....Remain,

Healthy; Humble. Hydrated. 

I AINT GOT IT

 💪🏾🙌🏾💧 

Repeat after me. 

I ain't got it. I ain't got time for your pettiness, your mess, your false promises, your disrespect....

I ain't got time for your gossip, your backstabbing, and your plotting for my demise. 

Regardless to what you have going on over there, I'M GOOD over here. Even when I'm not good, I'm STILL good.

Last year was one of the hardest, yet best years of my life.... I learned that some people thrive off your despair. But, the moment you're smiling and happy, their spirits become disturbed.  If nothing else, you gotta be comfortable with the shine your blessings brings, even when the world around you is full of gloom.

Becoming you wasn't easy, so you already know maintaining you will be a chore. Take it in stride though... the more you scar, the stronger you heal. 

NOBODY.... I mean NOBODY has control over your joy until you hand over the remote.  Be stingy with not only your access, but your channels as well.  They can't break what they don't know. 

We don't have time today or any day. 

Until next time.....remain,

Healthy.  Humble.  Hydrated 

Dreams.

 💪🏾🙌🏾💧 

It's 2025.  We still telling people our dreams? 

Dreams to me have always been the focal point in how far I gotta drive.  They remind me in so many pictures that I 1) need to get my stuff together or 2) I'm headed in the right direction.  It's not too many times that my dreams have been random plays of what could be in my head because me...I'm always thinking of what's next.  

For some people tho...they feel as if all their dreams should be shared.  Shared to the masses so that when they conquer whatever it is they are trying to reach; they can say, "I told you, I did that." But as a poet and a believer in God, I realized two things.  

1. In Harlem, Langston Hughes  references a dream deferred?  Does it go away? Get tough or heavy? Or become too much? 

What happens to a dream deferred?

      Does it dry up

      like a raisin in the sun?

      Or fester like a sore—

      And then run?

      Does it stink like rotten meat?

      Or crust and sugar over—

      like a syrupy sweet?

      Maybe it just sags

      like a heavy load.

      Or does it explode?

I feel like he was telling us...reminding us that acting on our dreams should happen the moment we start dreaming. He didn't say, tell the masses.  He insinuated that we act on it while it's fresh and before it loses it's power.  

Let's dive deeper, the Word of God in Genesis 40:8 says "We both had dreams," they answered, "tbut there is no one to interpret them." Then Joseph said to them, "Do not interpretations belong to God?" Did you catch that? Interpretations belong to GOD. So tell me again why we're sharing our dreams with the next person?

We gotta be smarter than that.  Chill on presenting your dreams to others and start sharing your dreams with God.  He's the one with the final say anyway...  Don't say I never told you nothing. (wink)

Until next time....remain,

Healthy. Humble. Hydrated

Don't be scared to let go.

    💪🏾🙌🏾💧

For those who have been following me for a while, you know I don't mind being transparent.  I don't mind people knowing my past, as long as they don't "try me" in my present.  I can, without a doubt say, I've evolved.....evolved in just about every aspect of my life. And if no one else is proud of me, I'M PROUD OF ME.      

My seasons have been ghetto.  I've ridden the rollercoaster in high altitudes afraid to look down out of fear....but those moments are gone.  I'm ME. I'm imperfect. I don't make the right decisions all the time. I have my moments and allow the old me to make guest appearances.  I wouldn't change not ONE thing.  Even with regrets, all of my mistakes made me who I am today. 

Storytime:

I once was in an almost 6 year situationship. We'll call him "Brown." Brown and I met online and immediately hit it off.  Brown was beautiful...yes I called him beautiful because physically he was perfect to me lol....He was stable and most of all we had an amazing connection.  Now mind you, I went in with the premise of at some point being in a relationship with him.  Yet...little did I know, Brown had no intentions of that ever happening.  

Our schedules were crazy, so we rarely went out.  Date nights were always at his place. (I never invited him over due to my girls being present) We texted more than we talked.  I never met his family. In the 6 years of our dealings, we were only out in public together ONCE.  Looking back, I had all the flags.  All of which I ignored.  

Every time I would bring up us or our "relationship", he'd defer.  He'd dress it up so pretty, I would feel crazy for even asking.  And....despite my desire to be in a committed relationship, I settled with just being the "special" friend.  

This went on for 6 years. SIX!!  Then came therapy. 

 Listen to me when I say, sometimes God gives us all the warning signs and because we want what we want, we choose not to accept them.  The unanswered calls, the texts that mostly happened in the evenings, the lack of public appearance etc....not one of those things stopped me from being with this man.  But therapy did.  

I remember being on video call with my therapist when we took the deep dive on Brown.  Question after question, she made these faces with my responses. And at the end she said, "Ro...at what point did you STOP loving yourself?" I had no words.  Not because she said it, but because as I'm explaining it to her, I could see CLEARLY how naïve I had been. I couldn't even answer her question.....cause chileeeeeeeeee I didn't know myself.  But her next words is what gave me the boost to end it all.  She said: 

"If meeting someone where they are, compromises who YOU are, YOU have to let them go. Being THEIR peace shouldn't mean sacrificing YOUR OWN." 

The dam broke and she allowed me to cry it out. She said crying was my goodbye to the old me and letting him go would be the intro to the new me.  

When I ended my session, I blocked his number then proceeded to delete not only his thread, but his number, his pictures, his social media and whatever else tied me to him.  She asked me to write the pros and cons of being with him and you know what? The only two pros I had were both physical! 

I got on my knees and prayed God allowed me to walk away and never look back.  I took a step back from dating. Dated myself.  Loved myself. That was one of the MOST important steps of my life.  We gotta stop being afraid to let go because of fear of being alone. We gotta stop accepting what people give us if it's not something that grows us.  We're stronger than our fears. 

Don't be scared to let go.

 

Until next time...remain,

Healthy. Humble. Hydrated.

Stingss Hydration Newsletter 1st Edition

 

The Mask of Hurt

 

Why is it that we function best while hurting? We mask the pain with distractions, hobbies, family functions, nights out....and while we're winning, we're hurting.  Hurting because we don't have the energy to share with others the amount of hurt we currently feel... More goals are met. More victories are celebrated.  More external smiles are reciprocated.  But the hurt, the hurt is safely tucked in the mask. The mask that only YOU can remove. 

I often say to my friends, why is it I attract so many people with unhealed interiors operating in a healed exterior? Is it because our souls are tied through pain? Like maybe it's just meant for our souls to connect and we can heal together...

That couldn't be further from the truth.  All pain DEFINITELY isn't created equal. Even more, all healing isn't the same.  So now we're created this bond based on the pre conceived notion that we can build despite the pain we've so graciously added. No one wants to address the elephant in the room. No one wants to admit that they are hurting. No one wants to openly admit to needing the space to heal alone. 

Being alone means you're forced to admit you're hurting and face your issues head on...and who wants to do it alone? I guess that's why we have so many successful unhappy people. I guess that's why it's becoming normal to mask the pain while indirectly addressing it.  We are only okay with addressing our pain as long as others address theirs....but what happens when they don't?  Then we're left with drowning thoughts of our own inadequacies...

Cue in the Robin Williams', the Anthony Bourdains, the Chelsi Krysts.....

Everything is not always what it appears. 

                                                            #IDidntAlwaysSting 

Nothing is EVER what it seems.

 

Tyrese. A man once high on his horse...Grammys...women for days...everyone wanted to be like him. But ohhhh the fall from grace was less than graceful, and he was left less than desirable and vulnerable. No matter how many times he tried to put on a brave face, his emotions seem to always find their way to the forefront. 

When I see clips like this... I see today's sense of normalcy. The expectation that no matter what's going on in the world around you, you should always have the brave face. Feelings and emotions are viewed as weak. Male or female, emotions can make you or break you. 

Why is that though? The way we were raised? The need to be accepted in society? Should we ignore our innermost feelings JUST to be accepted in a world that doesn't REALLY accept us? 

If you watched the full interview, not only was this man hurting but was super transparent in expressing WHY he was hurting. And where did that get him? The butt of everyone's jokes...the meme of the day...the image of  man who fell from grace. 

Nothing is ever what it seems.  

Society has taken away the right to be different. So much so the divorce rate along with suicide are at an all time high. We are so consumed with pleasing the world that we lose sight of what's important and that is simply being ourselves. We're chasing bags (or flights), chasing relationships (or marriages), chasing images (or false expectations) ...all of which come with the desire to be seen and accepted. We are the very people we dissect...the very people responsible for the downfall of others. No one wants to hear that and NO ONE wants to say that aloud. 

Nothing is ever what is seems. 

So here's to the people simply existing because they don't wanna seem weak.  The person putting on a strong face but crying behind closed doors. The man who feels like men aren't supposed to cry or the woman who stays strong for her family.... You aren't alone.  It's okay to cry...it's okay to feel...it's okay to be different.  

Nothing is ever or will ever be what it seems. 

Generics should not be covered

 

People now days are so quick to talk about the old days- old relationships- old marriages. The times where divorce used to be rare....Couples would tough it out....talk it out...make the best of bad situation. There were more than 2.5 kids...the cupboard was never bare...and kids were taught morals.  Those were the days that a "village" raised the kids...the kids were respectful to elders and each other...no internet, no cell phones...just a boom box and a tv that mostly collected dust.

But times are different.  Being in a relationship suddenly became work.  Single mothers and fathers are heads of the household. The children raise themselves. Not based on true role models, but random stars on tv that they "think" are worthy of duplication. 

No longer is it easy to find a man that recognizes that he is the head of the household. (God fearing... makes the decisions...pays the bills...and is respectful to his mate) No longer is it easy to find a woman that supports her man. (knows God and the power of prayer....takes care of household chores...and raises her children to depend on themselves and not something or someone else)

So...we settle for the generic. The person we KNOW IS NOT for us.  We ignore all the warning signs and move forward. He's cute (but lazy)....She's fine (but nasty)....drives a nice car (but doesn't pay their bills).....they are financially stable (but toxic)  yall already know the vibes. You become comfortable in an uncomfortable situation and it leaves you feeling powerless and fake. It seemed like a good idea at the time but now....yeah not so much. 

When it comes to ur life, ur kids lives and ur destiny, you shouldn't compromise bc ur tired of waiting. Everything you're praying for comes with time.  Don't you know GOD IS FAITHFUL? Don't you know that God is THE NAME BRAND of all times? Why we out here flossing generic relationships when the real one is just a season away? 

It's easier to NOT get into something than it is to EXIT what's already there.  Take your time.  Embrace you for a change. Nobody's judging.  And if they are...let'em. 

Is Friends with Benefits still a thing?

 

So there was a time when I embraced in the moment and totally disregarded my gut. I didn’t mind falling...and if I failed...well, I’d just try again.  After all, nobody’s love life was perfect…blah.. judge me. 

I had a whole 6 something year (cause I really stopped counting at 6) “friends with benefits” situation. You know… before I get too deep, Imma start off by asking....is there really a such thing as Friends with Benefits? I mean, think about it...is it really smart to "cross the line" with a friend? Would you wanna give up the goodies to someone who only regards u as a "friend"?

For me, it was taking out the pressure of a relationship and not really deal with feelings. Adding the term “friend” only dressed up what was occurring outside the normal friendship. More so, leaving the term friend gave you the option to end the benefits at any time because “well….we're better as friends." It’s a lie but go off! lol 

Anyone who has multiple nights of endless sex with someone is going to have feelings of some sort. (unless ur just a total a$$ with no heart--and even then u just don't admit it) So.....the more u have sex....the more feelings surface. Whether they are good feelings or bad feelings, feelings WILL occur.  Remind me again of the benefit? Oh yea… we can still be friends. (Insert a full eye roll here) 

Society has taken friendship and put it in the wrong mold.  It's almost like... making jello and pouring it into a cement mold. It doesn't fit. Yes, the substance is there, but it will never fill or conform true to its existence. Friends are people who are there through it all.  They know ur faults, ur likes, ur dislikes...and no matter how far u stray, they remain by ur side. A friend can see u totally nude and not even think about it...except maybe to say, umm...did u use lotion today? lol Benefits....a benefit is a reward for an act. U are rewarded for something u did, said etc. My thing is this, if I do something for a friend, I do it because that's my friend....not for a reward. and...even better....I benefit from the things I learn through my friend...we learn together. It's part of the friendship...not a separate "benefit package"...this isn't a job! kmsl

Sooo....Stop it already with the Friends with Benefits term. Keep it simple....let it remain how it is...Situationship.. Cutty Buddy..side piece...whatever the case may be. Leave that term for Hollywood, because "in real life" it's nothing but drama; and who has time for that?!

Now if you just GOTTA go this route, here are my takeaways:

1.  It’s not for the weak. If you can’t disconnect your feelings..don’t waste your time. 

2.  Set boundaries. No kissing, no cuddling, no discussing your day etc - this isn’t a typical friend 

3.  Ask yourself, is it worth it? The time and strokes your spending with your FWB can really be geared towards your next mate. 

And finally… 4.  Be open to falling. Yes. This may start as an arrangement, but with all things, change is imminent.  

Disclaimer: 

As with all my topics...it's ok to judge me. I'm never gonna lie about my past.  We all have one but not all of us let it go.  I said what I said and did what I did.  ~Till Next time.  

Broken- An Ode to Layers.

 

    Physically...

I'm taken...

But my name is singular in the legal sense...

    Emotionally...

I'm broken...

My feelings no longer receptive to receiving love...

Because love hasn't been given...fully.

    Mentally...

I'm driven...

Driven to pull myself out of the hold of resentment and regret...

Resenting the fact that I gave my all despite the signs that they didn't.....

Regretting I allowed myself to be lost...

Shattered...

Broken...

Pieces of me holding on by mere threads screaming for help...

And I...

I'm not even strong enough to put them back together...

 

Still...

    Who am I?

 My shell displays happiness...

Confidence...

Beauty...

It lights the room in a dark place...

Each layer of me is pronounced and bold...

I elude peace...

Even on bad days...

All a façade for the curious eyes around me. 

 

But take away that shell....

Go beyond those layers....

And look into my soul...

It tells the true reflection of who or what I really am...

 

Broken.

 

 

(Dedicated to all the those who live a facade everyday. The ones who yearn for unconditional love but settle for the right now kind of love. You are not alone.)

 

Happy (ness or less)

 

So listen....

Your happiness as well as your peace should ALWAYS be a priority. Therefore, there should never be a limit to how many times you restart. I mean....  If God can renew our mercies daily in an effort to give us a chance to get it right, why not make the attempt?  

You KNOW the areas you're struggling in. You ABSOLUTELY know.  And 9 times out of 10 you have the resources to fix it....but you're either procrastinating, scared, or don't feel like doing the work to fix it.  Well you know what.. stop complaining! Yall need to stop wasting your time putting Band-Aids on situations or changes knowing it needs more than a quick fix. It's me...I'm y'all. (raises hand) 

Chile....this is some real life "struggle bus" type things. BUT, I take FULL responsibility. Now...I can't and I won't speak on anyone else EXCEPT me. Even though it would be easy for me to point out someone else's flaws...I know I have too many of my own. That's ME being transparent.

Everyday I wake up, I realize more and more things I don't like about myself.  I don't know if it's my old age and realizing I have more years behind me than in front of me or the need to really have some sense of normalcy in my life. Either way, I wanna get back to happy. 

Just last week, in one of my morning messages, I talked about being comfortable with being uncomfortable.  That's absolutely a thing.  More people are in situationships, marriages, relationships uncomfortable AF but not willing to do what it takes to change it. So I have to ask....does being comfortable being uncomfortable equate to settling?

Ok....yeah...I get it...no one will ever be completely happy. We all have our flaws whether it's alone or as a couple. Like..even a happy medium is pushing it.  How do you find "your happy" in the midst of your transparent self? 

Happy(ness or less) to me still remains a mystery.....