Be YOU...Unapologetically

 I have always been different.  For as far back as I remember, I have never fit in with just "one" crowd...and to be honest I've never really "fit in".... Each group I encountered, I never felt completely comfortable as if I was a part of them. And that bothered me.  Even into adulthood, I've always wanted to be a part of something; to be tied to a group- have girlfriends, take trips and post selfies.  It just never "felt right."

Then some years ago, after my divorce, I decided to explore the dynamics of who I really am.  By exploring I meant EVERY aspect of my life.  (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) I disregarded every expectation that anyone else had of me that I didn't fully embrace and begin to move different. It was then I went from "the quiet one....the good child" to "aggressive and difficult". Why is it when you put yourself first or express how you feel, it's wrong? 

Does it bother me? Of course it does.  I have days when things are said that I remain silent just so I DON'T come across as aggressive. I believe that everyone has an OPTION to be themselves. More importantly, no one should give that power over their lives to anyone else.  But it happens! Do you know how many people walk around here pleasing everyone else and they are dying on the inside?  Look at Anthony Bourdain and Robin Williams.  Who would have thought that they struggled with happiness? NOBODY!!! 

Yeah...it's easier to go with the flow than against the grain.  Still...at what cost? To say you made the world happy while sacrificing your own? Ugh. There are days I literally cannot.....days I wanna unplug from the world and be transparent.  I struggle to be myself and that's sad.  I'm sure it's plenty of you out there that feel the same way.  You wanna just be you...without judgement...unapologetically.  I wish that I had the answer on how to totally get there.  The world would be so much better.  But until then, start taking moments to yourself...stop overthinking life and just live....I don't care how many times it takes to get there, we're deserving of that.